I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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