But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
