omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
FUCK WHALES
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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