At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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