At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
