everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
