You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
