Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
