I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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