HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
