My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
