You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
