Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
