i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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