My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
