Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
