I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
