just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
