then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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