You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize