I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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