he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
