"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
