you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
