He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
