I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
