I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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