I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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