Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
