There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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