Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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