Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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