Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
