I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
