I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
