respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
