one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
