I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
