Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
