Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
