i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize