I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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