The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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