as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize