He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had sex on a roof
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
