His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think your dad took our porno
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
