so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
is it fun? or sober?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
