from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
