What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
