You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
