Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
