Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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