We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Screwed.edu
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
