with your own penis?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
