i think my tv is drunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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