No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
