I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
