My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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