hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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