Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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