2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
