and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
