when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
