Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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