DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
