Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
