Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
