I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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