Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
