I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
