First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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