I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
