Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
