Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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