It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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