idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
