She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
