Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
