...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
