worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just puked most of my soul out..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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