I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
