i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
