Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
