Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The Olympian is in my bed
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