Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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