They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
