I've blown a few things in my day
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize