Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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