I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
