I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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