Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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