Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
